


All You Need is Love

by MaddogOUATandReignForever



Category: Reign (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28134168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddogOUATandReignForever/pseuds/MaddogOUATandReignForever
Summary: Right after Mary has been raped, she still wants to have a relationship and a future with Francis. But can they survive the nightmares and pain that the night's events brought?
Relationships: François II de France/Mary I of Scotland | Mary Queen of Scots
Comments: 11
Kudos: 11





	1. Trust

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been sitting on my desk, almost complete, since June. I finally decided to finish and publish it in time for Christmas after my final exams! I wrote this story because I was disappointed in season 2 of Reign about how Mary handled her rape and "fell in love" with Conde. This is not a Conde friendly story, so beware! But I hope you enjoy this shorter storyline of how I would've written the remainder of season 2!

“Let me help you.” says Catherine. Normally, I wouldn’t trust her or want to be in the same room with her after what I just experienced. But right now, she knows what just happened to me. What those monsters did to me. What it will take to get me back to who I was… before. So, I take her outstretched hand. I trust her to get me through this, because she just swore to me that she could. 

Catherine leads me over to her vanity and instructs me to start brushing my hair, but I can’t stop touching and rubbing my angry red, slightly swollen wrists. When Catherine sees that I won’t be able to do some of the simplest of tasks, she quickly finds me a high collared gown and drapes it over a nearby chair. Then, she walks over to me and brushes my hair out for me. We try to cover up the bruises the best we can but it isn’t enough. To make it easy, Catherine brushes all my hair up front to hide any marks on my neck. Then, she secures a crown on my head, which in turn, keeps my hair in place. Out of the blue, I speak,

“What am I going to tell Francis? How can I tell him that I was- “? 

“You are going to tell him the truth. You are going to tell him that the Protestants came looking for him and found you, alone, in your chambers. You are going to tell him that you were raped.” I shudder at the memory. “Now, let’s get dressed, so that you can face your people. If we play this right, as far as they’ll ever know, you were untouched by these men.”

=== 

After the joyous claps when I announce that both the king and queen remained untouched, I run back to my room. Catherine stays at the gathering in my absence and made sure that nothing looked amiss. When everyone has   
cleared out, Catherine returns to her chambers, where I am sitting on the sofa rubbing my wrists. 

“Come now, you can sleep in here tonight. I’ll get you a blanket.” She says and goes over to a chest. I carefully take off every bit of clothing except for Catherine’s white shift and put on a robe to ward off the chilly air. We had to burn mine because of the memories it brought… and there was still blood on it. I put a pillow on the sofa and lay down while Catherine carefully puts a blanket over me. 

“I don’t think I can sleep… I’m so cold.” I say quietly. 

“It’s because of the night’s recent events. It- “The door opening cuts her off and she turns. Francis! He’s back. I sit up and hold the robe over my neck. 

“Oh, thank goodness your safe!” Francis starts but is cut off by Catherine.

“Slowly, Francis.” She turns to me. “Do you want me to leave?” she asks. Francis looks confused. I nod at her and she quietly slips outside. Francis walks toward me and I put my hand out, which lets some of the robe fall, exposing my neck. 

“Please don’t come any closer!” I plea and he stops in his tracks. 

“They said… they said that you were untouched…” Francis starts but can’t seem to get the rest out as he catches a glimpse at the finger-shaped bruises on my throat. 

“I lied. Catherine lied.” I take a deep breath and say, “The truth is… I was raped.” 

“This is all my fault…”

“Because you weren’t here? Because finally, after everything we’ve been through, we were finally working as one?”

“No, Mary! I wasn’t doing what I thought was best for France… I- “I cut him off.

“Please… no more talking. It’s hurts too much to speak… to think about it.” I look up at my husband. “Find them, Francis. Find the men who did this to me… and kill them.” Francis nods mutely. Catherine comes back into the room.

“Mary is going to stay here for the night. I need you, Francis, to go sleep in one of the guest chambers tonight. Tomorrow, I want to get the descriptions of these men.” Catherine says calmly and shoos Francis out of the room before he can say goodbye.


	2. Restlessness

I don’t fall asleep, instead, I carefully rub my raw wrists until the rays of light start to peek inside Catherine’s private bed chambers. When she does wake up, the first thing Catherine looks for is me. 

“Oh, my dear child.” she says as she gets up to look at my face. There are dark circles under my eyes, and I tell her that I can’t sleep. She leads me over to her vanity once again and brushes out my hair. There is nothing that can cover up any of the damage, so she orders one of her Flying Squad to go to my chambers and get a dress. Catherine grabs one of her high-collared over-layer dresses and helps me into one as well. 

“I have instructed all the guards to not let anyone through this hallway near the royal bedchambers. My guards are telling everyone that there is an investigation going on as to how those savages got into our home.” Catherine says and leads me out of her chambers. Slowly, we walk toward my chambers. The hallway is empty and lifeless, which is how I feel right now. Hallow. Empty. But I want to catch the men who did this to me… and make them pay for what they did. I see Nostradamus and Francis on the other side of the hall, walking toward our chambers as well. Francis sees me immediately and picks up his pace, but Catherine steps between us when he is only a few feet away. 

I look up from behind Catherine and Francis gasps quietly when he sees my appearance. My skin has taken a pale tinge, which in turn makes the bruises show up better. My face is hollow of any real emotion and looks drained. It doesn’t help that I didn’t get any sleep, because the dark circles under my eyes make me look even more lifeless. Catherine turns to me, and she and I enter my chambers. Francis and Nostradamus follow a few steps behind, but Francis is bewildered when he sees the state of our chambers.

The sheets on my side of the bed are rustled where I got out of bed in the dead of night. Chairs and tables are knocked over and the fireplace is burned out. Catherine stands back as I go over to the bed and touch the sheets. 

“Tell Nostradamus what happened, my dear.” Catherine says quietly. I nod mutely and feel the tears coming.

“The Protestants came looking for Francis, but then when they realized that he wasn’t here… that they failed… they wanted to kill me. But, the other one… he…he…. He wanted something more. He hit me… and I fell to the floor… and one of his friends said that I was a queen. But… he said I didn’t look like a queen right then… so he…” I can’t finish because I am crying so hard. I put a hand to my mouth to muffle the sound and crumple to the floor. Francis runs to me, but Catherine holds him back.

“Let me do this for you, Francis, and help Mary past this.” She says quietly to him and walks carefully over to me. She hugs me gently and waits a few minutes for me to quiet down. “Now, my dear, I need you to tell us where your… assault… happened. Can you do that?” I nod into her shoulder and stand up. I walk over to the spot and lean down, because there are three small spots of blood that have dried a bit, along with a wood paper weight that’s only a foot away. It has blood all over one corner. 

“Mary?” Nostradamus asks. I point to the three spots.   
“This… is my blood… from the... from the rape.” I say. “When they realized that they needed to leave immediately, he got off me and told the other one to kill me… but I hit him in the head… with that.” I gesture to the bloody wooden paperweight. I turn and stand back up to face the three other people in the room. 

“Thank you for sharing that, Mary, I know this must be difficult for you.” Nostradamus says. 

“Thank you for being patient and listening. I hope you can find my…” I trail off. I give Nostradamus the best descriptions of the three men that I can, but I tell him that I want to look at any suspects that they find.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Nostradamus, did you bring the ointment I asked for?” Catherine asks. He nods, pulls out a jar, and hands it to her. Catherine thanks him and leads me back to her chambers. Right before we enter, though, I see a few maids and servants walk by with new carpeting and furniture. I turn to Catherine, confused. 

“I think that it would be best to change your chamber a bit, so that you won’t be able to trace the memories there. What do you think, Francis?” she turns and asks. 

“I think that it’s a very good idea, so that we can leave behind the past.” He says looking straight into my eyes. 

“I agree.” I say. We head into Catherine’s old chambers, but Francis wavers outside the door. Catherine looks between the two of us and sets the jar next to me.

“For your bruises and cuts, my dear. I will leave you two alone… to talk. Mary, I want you to put that ointment on right away.” She says disappearing through the door. Francis comes in and sits on the floor before me, but not so close that I feel uneasy. I look at him and fold my hands to keep them from shaking. 

“What did you want to talk about, Francis?” I ask curiously.

“I… I just want to know how you are feeling?” He moves closer to me and I put my hand out. 

“I’m still in some pain and prefer not to be touched… having a man in the same room with me… alone… it’s just terrifying now.”

“I’m not just some man, Mary, I’m your husband.” he pleads.

“I know that… but with what I just experienced… I can’t bear it. I’m afraid, Francis.”

“I know you are, my beautiful wife, but you will get through this. I know you. I know your heart. You will recover from this. We will recover from this, but only if we do it together.” I nod and Francis continues talking. “To start healing, I need you to heal. Physically. We can work the rest out later, together.” I nod again and Francis grabs the jar of ointment. He unscrews the lid and holds it out to me.

“I know that you don’t want to be touched, and that’s alright, but let me help you by letting me at least hold this jar.” 

“Thank you for doing this, for me.” I say and carefully stand. I turn around and take off the borrowed high-collar over layer. When I turn around, Francis has tears in his eyes.

“Oh, Mary, what have they done to you?” Instead on answering, I dip two of my fingers in the ointment and use my other hand to pull back my hair, revealing the bruises that lay in waiting. I carefully dab on the ointment but flinch every time that the medicine comes into contact with my skin. Then when I finish my neck, I sit down and start on my wrists, and then slowly I lift up my skirts and place a thin layer on my inner thighs, where more bruises reside. Lastly, I apply one last dab of ointment to my cheek, which is red and has a shallow handprint outlined on it. When I finish, I stand up and wash my hands in a nearby basin while Francis screws the lid back on. 

“Mary, we should- “But Francis is interrupted by Catherine opening the door.

“Ah, Mary! I’ve been meaning to show you the new flowers from Austria that have just arrived and been planted in the gardens. They are absolutely stunning this time of year.”

“That sounds wonderful, Mother, perhaps I may join you?” Francis says placing the jar on a nearby table. 

“Don’t trouble yourself, Francis! You are the king and you have responsibilities. I will take Mary and when we are done, she has work to complete.” Catherine gently takes my arm and leads me out of the room.

“What was that all about, Catherine?” I ask quietly as we head for the gardens.

“I heard you and Francis talking and wanted to get you out of there.”

“We were just talking- “Catherine stops and turns to me.

“Do you know what he was about to ask?” I shake my head. “He wants to talk about what happened to you. I know he’s trying to help, but you need time and a bit of space or else you might start making some questionable decisions about your marriage.” I nod and we step outside.

“I want to tell him, Catherine. I just… how soon could Nostradamus tell if I could be… um…”

“Pregnant?” I nod and a tear slides down my cheek.

“A few weeks, maybe more. But let’s not worry yet. We will get you back to work and make you as stressed as possible. Hopefully then you will be unsuitable for carrying a child. Now, let’s get you to your office.” 

“But didn’t you want me to see some Austrian- “

“There are no flowers from Austria. I just wanted to have some peace before I have you take on all of your duties as queen. I still haven’t given you all of my work, but now seeing as you are in need of distraction, I transferred everything over to your office.” We walk up to the office where Francis and I do most of our paperwork. Francis is already there and is surprised to see me. Before he can speak, a dozen maids come in with loaded trunks and set them near my desk. 

“What is all this?” Francis asks.

“The rest of my projects. Now that Mary is queen, I suggested that she take all of them.” I smile and bow my head in her direction as she leaves the room. Taking a deep breath, I open the first chest next to my chair and pull out a stack of papers and letters. Francis follows my every move as one of his advisors points out a few things on a paper to him. I order extra stationary from a maid and set to work.

By dinner, I have barely made it through half of the first chest. My personal papers are filled with notes for tomorrow and my desk is an absolute mess. I organize the papers as Francis signs his last few documents of the day. As I turn to leave, I hear my husband.

“Mary, would you care to dine with me?” I slowly turn.

“Alright.” I see the beginnings of a smile on his face as he stands and walks around me at a safe distance before opening the door. We walk side by side to our private dining hall and let the servants bring out every dish before Francis dismisses them for the night. There is a creamy soup, roasted boar with gravy, bread, and a basket of pastries. While I put a little of everything on my plate, I can’t bring myself to touch the food. I don’t realize that I am crying until Francis notices that I am not eating.

“Mary? What’s wrong?” I look up and his eyes widen as he sees my tears. He gets up and comes over to me. Before I can think to get away, he gets on his knees on the side of my chair. There, he looks much less like a threat and I lose the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. 

“I just… I can’t eat this. I don’t feel like eating or sleeping or holding court.”

“Mary, please! You have to take care of yourself. You are the strongest woman I have ever met and you will survive what happened. It might take a while but I know you will come back from this. Now please, what can you eat?” 

“Broth and some bread, maybe?” Francis nods and tells a servant outside to go back down to the kitchens. He returns to his spot on the floor until a servant sets down a small bowl of broth, a hunk of bread, and a cup of wine.

“I thought you might want some wine, just to take the edge off.” I nod and take a sip. I stare at the bowl until Francis speaks again.

“Please eat Mary. If you won’t do it for yourself, can you do it for me?” He has tears in his eyes as well, and so I pick up the spoon and start to eat. As I start to tear the bread up and dip it in the broth, Francis goes back to his seat and digs in as well. I clean out the entire bowl and eat all of the bread before finishing off with the glass of wine. But, it’s not long before I start to feel drunk. 

“Mary?” Francis asks. I try to stand.

“I’m fine, I just… haven’t had wine in a while I guess.” That’s when I fall. I am caught by something warm and firm.

“I’m so sorry, Mary, but my mother and I agreed that you had to rest.” I look into his sad blue eyes and realize he’s drugged me right before everything goes black.


	3. To The Ends of The Earth

The morning rays are streaming through the window when I startle awake. Immediately, I know that I had a nightmare because I am sweating and there are tears running down my face. The events of last night come running back as I stumble out of bed onto the balcony. Looking down, I am surprised to see more than three dozen men stumbling into the castle courtyard in chains. Bash is pointing towards the dungeons and the rest are chained to the stone walls near the castle gate. I rush back into my room and get ready as fast as possible. The thought that my rapist could be down there is enough for me to grab my cloak and get down to the first floor. Once I get down there, I carefully walk down the line, examining each man’s face, trying to find a match to any of the three men. I finish just as I hear a voice.

“Mary.” I can’t help it as I jump a bit as I hear him approach. When I turn to look at him, I see that he has realized his mistake. “I’m sorry. Please come inside.” 

“He’s not here.” Is all I can think to say. 

“But all of these men will be questioned and one of them will lead us to him.” He seems so confident I can almost believe him.

“And the other men too. The ones who stood there and would have done the same thing to me or worse.” I add. Francis nods.

“Yes.” He looks down and notices me playing with one of my rings. “Mary it would be foolish of me to try and ask you not to think about it but I urge you to get some more rest.” He reaches for me, but I pull back quickly and walk a few feet away.

“Why don’t you just drug me at every meal then? You seem to be capable of doing that easily enough.”

“Mary, I’m sorry. I just… we were worried about you. It’s not healthy to refuse to sleep. I thought that the drugs would help you sleep better.” I let out a choked laugh.

“Well, I did sleep, but your drugs can’t keep the nightmares away. Francis you don’t understand: I can’t close my eyes without seeing them. We need to find them now! The next hours are crucial. Every minute that passes makes their capture less likely.” 

“They won’t get away. I will find the men responsible.” Francis reassures me.

“They could be miles away by now!” I shout at him.

“It doesn’t matter where they are, Mary, I will hunt them to the ends of the earth.” I can see that Francis is determined, but I know he still doesn’t quite understand what they put me through or how they broke me. I take a shaky breath.

“Alright.” I breath.

“Now let’s get you back to your chambers. It’s freezing out here.” Francis opens the door for me and leads me back to my rooms. He walks a few feet behind me, which I am grateful for. I spend the walk back debating what I could have done differently. As we near my chambers at the end of the hall, Francis walks around and holds the door open for me again as I walk in and sit on a bench near the bed, staring at the cold fireplace.

“What can I do for you? Are you cold? I’ll fetch you a blanket.” He babbles as he walks toward the bed to find me a blanket.

“I should have known that those weren’t our guards.” I say out of the blue. I hear Francis sigh and come over to me. 

“Mary, you were startled in the dead of night. There were three armed men against you. Please don’t torment yourself. I’m so sorry that this happened. That my choices brought this violence into our home.” He looks defeated, but I reassure him. 

“Don’t blame yourself for the actions of evil people. We’ve disagreed about tolerance but, you were just doing what you believed was right. What you thought was best for France.” 

“No. I wasn’t doing what I believed was right or what I thought was best.” Francis goes over and slumps down on opposite chair. “I made choices under pressure from another. I was being blackmailed.” I am startled, but I need to know what he’s talking about.

“Blackmailed? For what?”

“I killed my father at the joust. He was a threat of France, to you.” Shock, fear and confusion all hit me at once. 

“Oh my god.” Is all I can think to say.

“It was regicide.” 

“Francis, who found out the truth?”

“Narcisse.” He responds bitterly. Then, everything is clear to me. 

“All the hardline choices. Favoring Catholics. All the violence that you allowed. Why didn’t you tell me what he was doing to you?” I plead with him. I could have helped! We could have fought together. 

“Because if it ever came to light,” Francis goes over and next to me and tries to hold my hand, but I pull away. “You needed to be able to deny any knowledge or involvement. I couldn’t let you be implicated for what I did. I kept thinking that I would find a way out but things got so bloody, so awful, and the lies and mistakes kept piling up. Until last night, when I found a way out. I found Montgomery.” 

“Where is he?” I ask and Francis looks down. “You killed him.” It’s more of a statement than a question.

“I had to. I have done terrible things to protect us. And I have lied to you time and time again to protect you.” I almost laugh, since protection apparently means rape now. 

“Protect me.” I say slowly so he realizes his wording.

“I know the events of the other night can never be undone. But they will pay with their lives. I will kill them, every last person who brought us to this. And once their gone, we will come back from this, and I will never let anyone hurt you again.” We both stare at the floorboards. There is a sharp knock on the door and a servant peaks her head in.

“Queen Mary, your ladies would like an audience with you. Catherine forbad them to come until today.” I turn to Francis and without asking he stands and leaves the room through the other door, giving me one last look as if to make sure that I am still here. I nod to the maid and she opens the door to reveal my ladies. Gingerly they come in.

“Mary, they told us you were in your old chambers.” Kenna says, but there is question in her tone. 

“Why are they moving your things in?” Greer asks. 

“I’m going to be staying here for a while.” I answer and wait for the next wave of questions. This might be harder than I thought. 

“Why?” Lola asks.

“It’s because of the attacks last night um, I can’t stay in my old rooms anymore.” I reply and take a deep breath, because I know I have to tell them. 

“But they told us you were fine. That your guards were killed but the men fled before they could get in.” Kenna says, still puzzled. 

“That was a lie I told, and one that you will have to tell too. The truth is… those men broke into my chambers and I was raped.” 

“Dear God.” Lola says as she and Kenna step forward, but I step back and put my hand out.

“I’m still in some pain and I prefer not to be touched. They beat me and one held me down while the other…” Lola and Kenna stop in their tracks. 

“These men… were they captured?” Kenna asks.

“No, they got away. He got away. So, I will be staying here, under guard for a while. I cannot hear any talk of an heir. At all. Not from you. Not from anyone. Not until I’m sure that any pregnancy, any child isn’t…” 

“Of course. We’ll make sure no one asks.” Lola says, nodding.

“I’m not ashamed of what happened to me. I was wronged by evil men but this was an act of war and hatred against the monarchy, which is why not one can ever know.” I say pointedly. 

“Mary, we understand, but right now we don’t care about the monarchy. We’re you friends and we care about you.” Lola says with a sob in her throat. 

“I’m so sorry. What… what can we do?” Greer asks. 

“Francis will make this right. He will find those men and he will slay them and it will be over.”


	4. Love From Two Men

I hear Conde and his squire talking about the attack as I head to the dungeons to double check the prisoners. As they start to speculate what really happened, I decide to intervene. The last thing we need is the Bourbon family to find out what happened to me.

“Lord Conde.” I call to him and he turns and follows me immediately. 

“I just found out how close the attackers came. Right to your front door. Are you sure you’re alright?” He asks and I knock into a table. The word “attack” brings on the memories for me.

“Yes, I’m fine.” I reply as I straighten, but I can see Conde isn’t convinced. But he doesn’t press me further.

“You were lucky. Francis asked me to bring back some information but I can’t find him.” 

“What information? He’s left the castle. If It’s about the attackers then there is no time to lose, share it with me.” I know I sound desperate, but I can’t look over my shoulder any longer. 

“We’ve had a setback. The man who aided them with money, he hanged himself.” Realization dawns on me.

“To avoid torture.” I say bluntly. 

“I won’t give up searching. Anyone guilty has either been rounded up, hiding, or on the run if they managed to get out before the roads were blocked by the guards.” It’s then I think of something, or rather, someone that could help us. 

“Louie? Did the man who funded the attackers have a wife?” I ask. 

“Yes.” 

“Take me to her.” 

“I could have her brought in.” 

“To be tortured? We don’t have the time and people in pain will say anything. I need the truth, names, information to find the men who… are most responsible and I need it now.” 

“No. It’s too dangerous.” Conde says, shaking his head. 

“It’s worth the risk. Louie these men broke into my home. It’s worth the risk.” I repeat and I can see I have convinced him. I ask the servants to prepare two horses and we ride out within the hour. Francis has already gone  
to look for Narcisse, and no one bothers to ask where we’re going or stop us. After we reach the village and find out my attackers are meeting to get the money at a nearby peasant house, I know I have to convince Conde to go with me. As we head back to our horses, Conde speaks. 

“We need to head back and tell Francis.” I stop in my tracks. 

“We’re not going back.” I say. 

“What?”

“The house is closer to us than the castle is. If we leave now, we might be able to catch these men before they escape.” 

“We? Mary, I’m not taking you anywhere near that house. There’s no reason for you to endanger yourself.” He starts to walk again. 

“I can identify them!” He stops and turns to look at me. 

“How?” He looks me up and down as if trying to find my secret written somewhere. “You saw their faces.” 

“Yes, I… I was huddled in a doorway when I saw three men trying to make their escape. Louie, our only chance of catching them is if we leave now.”

“But without guards- “Louie starts, but I interrupt him. 

“There’s no time. If we miss our chance, I won’t be able to forgive myself. Not to mention there are three of them, you are going to need help.” 

“Mary, you’re not even armed- “He says as I pull out my hidden dagger. “Good lord.” Is all Conde thinks to say. 

“We need to capture them alive. I want them questioned and I want them publicly hanged for treason.” I hear him sigh as he looks at me. 

“I’ll take out their legs, then we drag them back to court. Together.” I nod. We ride as fast as possible and tie up the horses behind the tree line in case they come. Louie loads his crossbow and insists on entering the house  
first. As I enter the house, I hear Conde. 

“They’re not here.”

“Are we too late?” It is then we hear both horses and men outside. 

“They’re coming. Hide Mary.” The house is so small that the only place I can hide is under the table while Conde hides behind a large curtain which separates the bed form the rest of the house. The door opens and I hear footsteps as they enter. 

“Hugo kept his word, the money’s here.” I would know that voice anywhere. It’s Severin. I hear him take the money from the table and pass it to one of his men. As he is turned from the table, I use my chance to cut the back of his knees with my dagger. He screams and falls to the floor.

“Who the hell…” Is all I hear from the other one before Conde shoots him with the crossbow. The last one comes charging at Conde, but the crossbow is dropped and Louie draws his sword. I stay under the table as they duel and see the other man fall to the floor, his leg badly hurt, before getting out. 

“Dear God no.” Severin says as he tries to assess the damage to his legs. He looks up at me and recognizes me too as I speak. 

“It is you. I remember you.” 

“I make no apologies. You deserved what I gave you.” I can’t help it as I feel the tears start to come, but Conde figures it out and starts to go for him. 

“You savage!” Conde screams coming toward him, but I grip his arm before he can draw his sword again. 

“You will be hanged for what you did to me. You will suffer and die and I will live. In a hundred years as queen, I will be remembered and your name will be forgotten. I will see that you are erased from history and God have mercy on your soul.” I saw in a measured voice. Severin spits at my feet. 

“Damn your pity and your king. God will forgive me. He will grant me absolution from the fire.” He looks so confident, so proud of what he’s done to me. In that moment I feel a beast inside me tell me what to do to this monster. Without really thinking, I shatter a lit lantern at his feet and set Severin on fire. As he starts screaming, I feel a bit better, knowing he will know true agony before he dies. 

“Mary!” Conde exclaims, surprised by my new plan. Severin continues to scream and I can smell his flesh burn, so I turn away. When I am almost out the door, I stop and turn to Conde.

“Kill them. And let them burn with their sins.” His eyes widen but he doesn’t question my decision. The last one alive begs for his life before he is slain. Before leaving, Conde makes sure the fire spreads and burns the entire peasant house down with all three now dead men inside. And together, we watch as the flames devour everything. I feel it when Conde looks at me, but I continue to stare straight ahead, to make sure they are truly gone forever, so I may never have to look over my shoulder again. I watch it until nothing but ash remain. Conde goes and returns with our horses and we ride for an hour before stopping to let them graze. Finally, Conde speaks. 

“Does Francis know what happened?”

“Yes. So does Catherine and my ladies. What happened to me can never become public knowledge. It would weaken us.” I reply. 

“Mary, you can trust me.”

“I know.” I look down.

“We should keep moving. You’re nearly home.” 

“Am I?”

“Mary?”

“I thought that by killing those men I could find my way back. To my old life with Francis… but, how can I? It’s done… and it can’t be undone. What they did to me, the events that lead us here so far from where we began.” 

“That’s not true. Look at me Mary. France is your home now, your country, and you are still its queen. Your people need you.” Conde says, looking into my eyes and I know that he is right. 

“I going to try, with Francis, but I feel it may take years before I can stand for him to kiss me or…” I don’t finish. Conde senses my meaning.

“So, let it take years. Francis is a good man. He might wait.” 

“Might?” Conde blushes.

“Men don’t seem to be able to go very long without being able to love their wives. So, they… find other distractions.”

“Mistresses, you mean?” Conde nods.

“Francis wouldn’t do that.”

“Wouldn’t he? He has the most beautiful wife in the world, but she can’t bear to sleep with him. What do you think that does to a man?” I look down.

“Let’s go back to the castle.”

“Mary,” I look at him. “I would at least look into it. Don’t ask him outright, but investigate.” I nod and mount my house. We ride back at an even quicker pace. Once we are safely inside the castle, Conde goes in search of some food. When he asks me to accompany him, I decline, claiming to be tired. Without another word, he leaves me alone and I go up to Francis’s office. He still isn’t back, so I lock the door and dig through his personal ledger. Nothing. On the way to my chambers, I hear horses in the courtyard and can only assume it means Francis is back. I put on a heavy cloak and step out onto the balcony. I carefully sit on the cold stone bench and wait for Francis. My hands are shaking, but I have to know if what Louie said is true. A short time later, Francis comes out and sees me sitting.

“Mary I’ve been looking for you everywhere. We’ve caught and executed nine of the conspirators whose role in the… attack was confirmed, but Severin…” I interrupt him. 

“He is dead. As are his accomplices. You were wise to use Conde, he helped me find them.” A look of realization dawns on Francis’s face.

“You killed them, together.”

“There wasn’t time, I had to act. I didn’t want them to escape. But you can release the rest of the prisoners Francis, it’s over.” I look up at him. “It’s over.” 

“Mary…” Francis comes over and slowly sits down beside me as I start to cry. 

“This notion that we could put the pieces back together. I wanted to believe that we could. That we just needed to find these men and punish them. But now I realize, I can’t change the fact that…” I look at Francis.

“You blame me for what happened.” 

“I know its irrational but it feels forever linked to you… and to us.”

“Mary I was… desperately trying to save your life. What… what would we have done differently if you had known the truth, what good would it have done for me to put you in that kind of danger…” I cut him off. 

“I’m not sure. I don’t know if it would have gone differently or better, but you never gave us a chance. And now we’ll never know.” Francis carefully takes my hand.

“Mary, please! I would do anything for you. I love you… and you love me. Just… wait. Don’t make any rash decisions without giving us another chance. I know that my choices led to this, but I need you. Please.” I take a deep breath.

“Alright.” I see Francis visibly relax. “But can you answer one question for me, honestly?” He nods.

“Yes, anything.”

“This healing process might take weeks or months or even years. We might not share a bed for a long time and I might never stop having nightmares. Are you prepared to wait or will you one day want a mistress?” Francis eyes widen with rage.

“Mary, you are the love of my life. I don’t care if we don’t share a bed for a decade because I am willing to wait as long as it takes for you to heal. I will sooth every nightmare, every night. And I will never, ever, take a mistress. My love for you is eternal, Mary, and I know that someday we will find peace in our lives… together.” I lift his hand and kiss it with tears running down my cheeks. 

“May I ask what brought this question up?” Francis asks gingerly. I wipe my cheeks.

“Conde mentioned that um… men can only go so long without… well…” Francis chuckles.

“What’s so funny?” I ask.

“Maybe in Conde’s mind men are like that, but there’s no truth to it. Men are usually married to women they’ve never met and have mistresses because they feel they are in love, but all men need to do is show a little self- control.” 

“Well, I know you aren’t lying, Francis.” He smiles.

“And how exactly do you know that?” Before I can think of Louie’s warning, I bluntly say,

“I looked through your personal ledgers, even the one you keep in a hidden compartment under your chair. There was no sign of any funds being transferred to anything suspicious.” Francis’s eyes widen.

“I might have to ask how you know about that ledger, but how did you get the idea to look through them?” I wait a moment until it dawns on him. “Conde. Mary… did he tell you not to ask me about this?”

“Yes, but I know you, Francis. Better than anyone.”

“Do you think, perhaps, that Conde is trying to pit us against each other? Plant suspicion?” Francis asks quietly.

“I don’t see why he would do that, but I’ll look into it.” I pause. “I never asked: did you find Narcisse?”

“Oh, yes. He is in the dungeons now awaiting punishment.” I nod. “I have to go see to that. Perhaps we could meet in the office and work a little before we have dinner?”

“I would like that.” I say and Francis takes his leave. I walk into my chambers and change for dinner as a servant enters.

“For you, Queen Mary, from the Prince of Conde.” She holds out an envelope. 

“Thank you.” I say, taking the letter and dismissing her. Sitting down, I break the wax start to read, 

Mary,  
When you read this, I’ll be gone. I’m sorry that I didn’t say goodbye but, seeing you again would have weakened my resolve. I know I agreed to marry Claude on the behalf of France, but I realized I can’t. My heart lies with another. I’ve fallen in love with a queen.  
I put a hand to my mouth. What did I do to encourage him? I feel like the walls are closing in and there isn’t enough air. The memories start to flash before my eyes but in my haste to get to the door, I trip and knock over a small table. I put my hands out in front of me as I fall on the stone floor. The visions stop as I turn over and examine my hands. There are only a few cuts, which I apply ointment to before heading down to my office. I work for a few hours before I hear the door open. When I look up, I see its Bash.

“What is it? Where is Francis? He promised to meet me for dinner.” I say, putting down my quill. 

“He is meeting with some of the lords loyal to Narcisse. He wants to give them some of Narcisse’s lands in order to smooth them over. Francis had to convince them that Narcisse was guilty of embezzlement from the crown. It’s the only good story that can hide his true crime.”

“Why hide it? He committed treason.” 

“Because he is worth more to us alive than dead. And explaining why he committed treason is a whole other matter which would include lying.” I nod.

“I assume he’ll be gone until after dinner?”

“Yes, it’s shown to be a slow process. Everyone wants a piece of the feast. Francis sends his apologies.”

“Tell him it’s alright. I’m not very hungry anyway. In fact, I think I’ll retire for the night.” Bash bows and exits the room. I finish up a few documents before I feel my eyes start to close of their own accord. Shaking my head, I stand, not bothering to organize anything before leaving the room. Thank goodness my old chambers are only one flight of stairs up and not too far down the hall. One of Catherine’s flying squad is already inside waiting with a nightgown and ointments for any remaining bruising. I dismiss the lady and crawl into bed, knowing full well there will be nightmares tonight. There always are. Sleep claims me as soon as my head hits the pillow.


	5. Goodbye, Old Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful comments that have come in for this story! I truly appreciate each and every comment and kudo! Enjoy this next chapter, it's one of my favorites!

I wake up screaming and alone. It’s always the same nightmare, but each time it seems clearer. The men’s faces, the pattern of the carpet, the ornate wood doors that I had wished someone would have opened to save me. Shaking my head, I get out of bed and ring for a servant to help me dress. I head to the office and am surprised Francis is already there reviewing papers alone. As I close the door he looks up.

“Mary, I am so sorry- “But he doesn’t finish. Instead, his eyes widen.

“What is it?” I ask. He doesn’t answer, but instead finds a nearby mirror and hands it to me. I bring it up to my face and gasp. My skin is pale and my cheeks are hollow. I set down the mirror and sit at my desk. Francis comes over, puts his hands on either side of the desk, and leans in. 

“How much sleep did you get last night.” I rack my brain.

“I got a little early last night… but I finally fell asleep when dawn came. So, a few hours. Perhaps three or four.” I start shifting through and organizing papers. 

“Mary, please. You need more rest than that.” Tears start to well in my eyes.

“I can’t! Every time I sleep, I have nightmares about that night. It’s always the same, except it gets clearer each time. And my hope dies a little each time as well. Working takes my mind off things.” Francis moves around and kneels next to my chair.

“How about this: after the ball, I’ll arrange for you to have a hot bath. It will relax you and maybe help you fall asleep.” I nod and go back to my papers. Francis goes back to his desk and sends for breakfast. He watches me like a hawk as I have some bread and butter and a glass of wine. I get through an entire chest of paperwork before lunch arrives, and Francis watches once again, noting how many bites of meat, cheese, and potatoes I eat and seems to be writing the numbers on a small paper. A few hours before the ball, Greer comes to tell me it’s time to get ready. As I look back at Francis, he smiles at me and goes back to his work without saying a word. Back in my chambers, I dress in a lovely white gown decorated with feathers on the skirt and braided beads on the bodice. My hair is done up and I double check my neck to make sure that no bruising remains. The food I had today has filled out my cheeks and after applying a bit of makeup, I look just like my old self. 

As I enter the ballroom, I notice the floor has been cleared for quarter-staff, with guests mingling around it eating, talking, and watching. I see Francis and Conde talking briefly in what looks like a tense conversation, but instead of going over there I welcome the nobles and other guests. After I am finished, my ladies come and talk to me as two new opponents are announced in the sparring ring. My eyes widen as I notice they are Conde and Francis. We move to the edge of the floor and watch as Francis fights with a ferocity I haven’t seen since he went after Tomas. While he manages to hit Conde in the stomach, it seems like the fight is getting more intense by the second. Like they’re both fighting for their lives. 

“Is there something between them that we don’t know about?” Greer asks. A few seconds later, Conde hits Francis across the face, leaving a large cut on his cheek. I gasp, along with the rest of the court. Conde turns around and looks me directly in the eye. Everyone follows his line of sight, even Francis. 

“You’re what’s between them.” Kenna says, looking at me. I deeply exhale, knowing the fight isn’t over yet. Francis charges at Conde, only giving him time to defend himself. They fight in a whirlwind of staffs until Francis is moving and hitting Conde over and over again with no time for any defense positions. Conde does push Francis away with his hand, but with Conde’s greed to win he tries Francis’s tactic. I know before it happens that Francis planned on this and within seconds blocks and forces Conde’s staff on the ground before breaking it and pushing Conde away. But Conde starts to charge, wanting to make it a fist fight as well, but this is getting out of hand. 

“Enough! Stop!” I say in my queen voice as two lords get between them. Francis looks at me and I give him a disappointed look. All around us, people are talking about what just happened and what could have caused it. Francis walks away. I try follow him to his office a few doors down, cloth and a bowl of water in hand from a nearby servant, but Conde stops me.

“Mary, please. Come with me. I need you and you need to be with a man who will always protect and love you. We can go to my brother. You’ll be safe in his country, and at some point, you can go to the Vatican and demand an annulment- “ 

“Stop! What I need right now is for you to get out of my way. You’ve done enough damage for one night.” As I start to walk away, he catches my arm. 

“Think about my offer. We can leave early tomorrow morning if you need time to pack. Just come to my chambers later and we can discuss the details. I want to be with you Mary. You don’t have to be chained up here anymore.” He releases me and I walk away without replying or looking back. This is ridiculous. I thought that the letter was a small token of affection or perhaps a drunken mistake. I was wrong. I find Francis in our office sitting down. I set up my supplies and start to put the cloth to his face. 

“I shouldn’t have let him provoke me. But Mary he did provoke me.” Francis turns to look at me. “There is something in Conde that needs to be dealt with. His anger towards me is not just about my mistakes as a ruler.” I try to put the cloth on his face again, but he takes the cloth and looks my in the eye. “He has feelings for you, Mary. And now everyone knows it.” 

“And you think that I encouraged him? Francis have you not been hearing a word I’ve said? I can barely stand to touch my own husband. Why would I ever encourage another? Yes, I know he’s in love with me. I didn’t think he’d take it this far- “Francis cuts me off. 

“How did you know? How long have you known?” Anger flares in his eyes.

“I received a letter from him yesterday. It professed his love for me. I thought it was some drunken mistake or maybe a fling that he thought was love.” Francis looks like he wants to strangle someone.

“What did you do with this letter?” He bites out. 

“I burned it. If people think that we are having an affair the consequences will be detrimental. But also, he just asked me to run away with him back to his brother and get an annulment.” Francis starts to get up.

“I will kill- “I stop him with one hand on his shoulder.

“Francis, I don’t love him. I love you with all my heart and what’s left of my broken soul.” For a moment, I know he is torn between telling me how he’s going to punish Conde or comforting me.

“I know you don’t think you will heal. But I know you will. You’re a survivor and the strongest person I’ve ever known. But when you give us an heir someday, as I have every faith that you will, there cannot be the slightest doubt about our child’s paternity. Doubts like these start wars.”

“I know, Francis, which is why I’m going to go to Conde and tell him to leave. Tonight. This notion that he thinks I’m in love with him is a threat and I cannot stand for him trying to tear our marriage apart. Not when we’ve just started to heal.”

“Are you sure you want to be the one to tell him?” Francis asks. I nod.

“Yes, so there is no doubt in his mind that I don’t love him at all, and that I never will. Because I choose you Francis. I will always choose you.” He looks like he wants to hug me, but I take his hand and kiss it briefly before heading back to the ball. A few minutes later, Francis follows suit and goes to sit on his throne. The whispers start again, so I decide to ascend the staircase to my throne. I carefully sit down and take Francis’s hand.

“Your Majesty.” The room falls quiet as one of the guards comes out from the crowd. “You asked for evidence proving the Castleroy’s innocence. This is Castleroy’s personal ledger, found in his counting house. Its contents will confirm guilt rather than innocence.” Greer looks at me as the case is made, and I can do nothing as the guards take her away. Francis orders his lords into the council room and we plead for Greer’s life. In the end, I decide to go down to the dungeons and tell her of their decision… and to say goodbye. 

“Mary?” I hear as the door closes behind me. Greer gets up from the wooden bed as I enter. “I don’t know how much time I have, but before this is done, there are things that I need you to know.” Greer puts her hand on her stomach and looks like she’s trying not to be sick. “I lied to you, Mary, and that is a treason in itself. But Aloisius did nothing wrong- “

“Greer, stop.” I say. “The ledger we found in your counting house is enough to prove your guilt in the eyes of the Catholic nobles.” Greer looks down, obviously awaiting her death sentence. “It is not quite enough in the eyes of the king. No one can prove which Protestants you thought you were giving your money to.”

“Then I’ll live.” Greer comes to take my hands in her own.

“Francis and I have made sure of that, yes. In the deal we made with the nobles, you may keep your life, but that is all you may keep. You will lose your title, your lands, your holdings, your rooms here at the castle, and your position with me.” There are now tears in Greer’s eyes as she realizes she is now nothing. 

“But where will I live? H-How will I live?” She asks, voice breaking.

“That can no longer be my concern. Or Lola’s. Or Kenna’s. I’m sorry.”

“Because I’m a traitor now. A pariah.” There is a knock on the door, telling me it’s time.

“One more moment, please.”

“One more moment- is that all we have?” I can see that she’s breaking, but there’s nothing I can do. I hug her as tears start to form in my eyes as well. The door opens and we pull apart.

“The wagon is ready to take her away. Nobles are waiting.” The guard tells me. I look into Greer’s eyes one last time.

“Promise me you’ll take care. Promise me, Greer, for it is a dangerous world.”

“I will.” She chokes out. “Thank you. Goodbye.” She follows the guard out and I wait until they are down the hall before I shed a tear and break down. After I calm down and stop by my chambers to make sure I look presentable, I go down to the guest chambers and find Louie packing his things. 

“Mary!” He rushes over but I put my arm out to stop him.

“Conde, I have come to tell you that I am not going with you. I don’t know what gave you this notion, but I don’t love you. Why can’t you see that?”

“But you do! You must! You cannot love a monster that didn’t protect you from your rapists.” Conde says, his voice getting louder with each word. 

“I don’t love you, Conde. I never have and never will. I love Francis with all my heart, and despite the fact that he wasn’t there during the attack, I’m glad he wasn’t. They were going to kill him and me shortly after. I may be broken, but at least I’m not dead. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to Francis. So, as queen, I hereby banish you from French court forever. You will never be allowed back here for any reason. I expect you to be gone by midnight and if you are still here in the morning, I will have you removed by force.” Conde looks destroyed, but I turn my heel and walk out. Before I’m out the door, he grabs my arm. As soon as he does though, I turn and slap him, making him loosen his grip as I shove him away.

“Never put your hands on me. I am the Queen of France and I pray to God that I will never have to see your face again.” I storm out and walk quickly to my chambers.


	6. My Beautiful, Strong Wife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Francis' point of view, since I wanted at least one short chapter where we could see how he is dealing with everything.

It’s excruciating to see Mary in pain all the time, and tonight, she lost one of her best friends. While she goes to talk and say goodbye to Greer, I end the ball and say goodnight to everyone from the both of us. I walk up to the next floor order a hot bath to be brought up to Mary’s chambers before heading back to work in our office. After a while, I hear multiple pairs of footsteps and the sloshing of water. Carefully, I leave my desk and peak around the corner to see Mary. She is walking briskly down to her chambers as the servants bow and follow her in with buckets of steaming water. I go back to my desk, but a few minutes later I hear the door slam and one of my mother’s servants come rushing in. 

“Your Majesty.” She curtsies. “I don’t mean to disturb you, but I am worried about the Queen.” I put down my quill.

“Why would you be worried?”

“After we brought the water in, she sent everyone away and as I helped her undo her corset, she screamed and begged for me to hurry. I told her to wait a few minutes for the water to cool down a bit, but she ordered me out. That water won’t be boiling now but it’s still too hot for her to be getting in.” I nod.

“Thank you. I will take care of this. You are dismissed for the night.” As soon as she leaves, I decide that instead of barging in and probably scaring Mary to death, I will make sure she’s okay. My chambers are next to hers, and my mother had a small hole drilled into the wall so I could see into her room… just in case she tried to hurt herself or worse. My mother informed me shortly after Mary’s attack that women who go through this might attempt suicide or self-mutilation. Now, I am thankful for her suggestion as I take down a small painting to reveal the hole. Peering inside, I see that she has undressed and is slowly getting in the tub, her back turned to me. Even from here, I can see the steam rising from it. There are still a few yellowing bruises that mare her skin but the real damage, I’ve learned, is on the inside. 

For once, Mary looks comfortable, relaxed even. In public, her posture is too rigid, and even the slightest touch of the hand by a prince or diplomate makes her start to shake. She ducks under the water and comes back up a moment later. Then, she leans back and I can see the tension lift from her shoulders. She stays like that, and as I am about to put the painting back up, I see her sit straight up. Maybe she fell asleep? Clearly, she had a flashback to that night the way she is now shaking. 

She starts taking deep breaths, or that is what I think they are until I hear her sobs. Then, she starts running her hands through her hair and starts pulling at it, as if she’s trying to tear it out. Her hands move on as she continues to cry, nails scoring the skin on her back, which leave large red marks. I throw the picture down and run to her chambers, throwing open the door and slamming it shut behind me so no one disturbs us. In those few moments, I realize that she’s already clawed at her arms, chest, and stomach. Now, she’s working on her neck… but it’s worse than the rest. I saw the bruises the day after the attack. The marks on her beautiful pale throat. Her neck has bleeding scratches all over it when she finally notices me. She cries out and, in her haste, to get away, stands up too fast and tips over the lip of the tub. 

Quickly, I grab two towels and rush over to her. Mary rolls over and starts to scoot away, but I throw a towel on her and run behind to throw the other one on her back. Before she can fully turn, I go behind her and wrap my arms around her. She screams and cries and tries to fight me off, but I continue to hold her.

“Mary, you’re okay. It’s me, Mary. Your husband. Francis. I love you. You’re safe. It’s alright. You’re safe.” I repeat over and over until she quiets down and stops shaking. Looking up at me, she says,

“Francis?” 

“It’s me, my love. You’re okay.” Tears run down her face as she says quietly,

“I saw them again. I remembered the other night when they broke in. I thought that if I killed them, then this would be over. I just... I want it to be over.” She curls her knees to her chest and tucks the towel tightly around her. I hold her as she cries and eventually falls asleep in my arms. 

“Mary.” I try to wake her. She doesn’t move at all. Carefully, I pick her up and carry her to the bed. In a few minutes, I towel her off, dress her in a simple night shift, and clean her wounds before tucking her in and sending for a maid to watch over her as she sleeps. I know that if she woke up with me sleeping in the room, she would freak out and our healing relationship would stop. When the night maid does come, I give her instructions and head out, pressing a kiss to Mary’s forehead before I leave.


	7. Better

I wake up sweating with tears running down my face. Again. Is this what my life is going to be like from now on? As I sit up, a night maid comes to help me out of bed and over to my vanity. As we are walking, I notice the bathtub and last night’s events come rushing back. The scolding hot water. The nightmare. Francis holding me. I look down and see that my wounds from last night are clean and I am in a simple night shift. After I am dressed, I decide to send for my work. I can’t face Francis after last night’s events. So, I sit at a makeshift desk and work until a servant brings me breakfast with a note from Francis.

Mary,  
I know by the time this letter reaches you, you will remember last night. I just wanted to help you, my love, and hopefully I have not caused you anymore pain. Conde has left court, which I hear is because of you, and for that I thank you. I love you and would like to stop by this evening after dinner just to check on you. I love you. Take today to heal.  
-Francis

My work makes time fly as I go through lunch and dinner without realizing it. I call for a servant, who helps me prepare for bed, and sit in a nearby chair.

“Sterling!” I call and my dog comes running up to me. “Sit.” He does and waits until I start to stroke his fur. I continue to pet him for a while until I hear the door open. 

“Mary? I hate to disturb you but… are you alright? After everything that happened with Greer and after last night?” He asks.

“The truth? No, I am not alright. I’ve been thinking about all that we’ve been through… my ladies and I. Sometimes I wonder if I should have ever brought them with me. I would have felt very alone if I hadn’t, as I do now.” I say and Francis tries to come closer. 

“I can’t stand to see you hurt. I don’t want you to feel so alone.” 

“But I am alone. We both are.” I look at him. 

“We don’t have to be.” He pauses. “I’d like to stay with you tonight. Not for appearance. Or politics. Or because you are my wife. Just to watch over you while you sleep. I could stay here, “He gestures to the divan. “Happily.” I get up from my chair. 

“I would like that.” Francis smiles hopefully.

“Goodnight, then.”

“Goodnight.” I say as he takes off his boots and doublet before laying down on the divan and closing his eyes. I quietly sit on my bed and blow out the candle. 

The next morning as I finish getting ready, I realize that I didn’t have any nightmares last night. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door. 

“Come in, I’m almost ready!” I look over to see Francis entering, carrying a scroll in one hand.

“Antoine is coming.” He says in greeting.

“I heard. Why?” 

“He wants to extend the peace treaty with France and Navarre. He could have done it through diplomats, but he hasn’t been here for years, and now that I’m king I suppose he wants to pay me a visit.”

“What is this?” I ask, gesturing to scroll. Francis excitedly unrolls it on the table. “A map?”

“There’s an enclave of the Loire Valley. The hills there have the lushest orchards and vineyards in the realm. The poet Marot calls it the Eden of France.”

“Well, it sounds glorious, but- “Francis cuts me off.

“I know how hard things have been for you. For us. I want us to have a new beginning, a place we can go, away from the castle and all the painful memories it holds. There’s an abandoned chateau.” He comes around the table and points it out to me. “Here. A lord who ran out of money. I thought we could expand it.”

“It’s a lovely idea, but...” I pause and take his hand. “What if we go there and things don’t get better?”

“Things are already better.” Francis says, looking down at our hands and putting his other one on top of mine. 

=== 

After we finish talking with Antoine in the throne room, Catherine, Francis, and I go to our office to discuss the situation in Navarre. 

“We can afford to give him a little money.” I say, but Catherine is having none of it. 

“Don’t even think of it. Francis, how many tines did your father and I warn you about the Bourbons?” 

“Uh, there is a lot of history between their family and ours, most of it bad. When I was sickly as a child, they were considered an option for the throne.” Francis sits and scrubs a hand over his face. 

“But it never came to that.” There is a bit of a question in my tone, so Francis elaborates. 

“My father was convinced that they were gathering support to make a move on the Crown. So, he sent the Bourbon brothers and their armies to the front lines during the Italian and Spanish Wars.”

“To thin out the ranks of their supporters. Teach them a lesson.” I say in understanding. King Henry was not known for mercy or finding compelling evidence. 

“Yes, brutally. I’m sure they haven’t forgotten.” Catherine chimes. 

“But we welcomed his brother.” My mention of Conde makes Francis tense. 

“Conde has never been interested in the Crown. Antoine, on the other hand, has always been ambitious. He got his throne by marrying the Queen of Navarre.” Francis explains. 

“He’s also self-centered. He’s known to be a reckless spender. ‘French refugees.’ Please. More likely he’s burned through his wife’s money and she’s cut him off. Refuse him, and send him home!” Catherine demands. 

“No. I want to see what’s really going on in Navarre. I’ll visit Narcisse. Maybe he knows something, and if he doesn’t, we’ll confront Antoine.” Catherine leaves, clearly annoyed at the plan, but I agree with Francis. 

"I’ll go start getting ready for dinner while you talk to Narcisse. Let me know if you find anything.”

“Of course.” He replies and I leave the room.

=== 

After an excruciatingly long dinner with Antoine, and some of his court, I return to our chambers while Francis bids them a good night, giving me time to get changed. As usual, he comes in an hour after I leave dinner and sets a pillow down on his makeshift bed. His nice clothes are gone, replaced with a simple white undershirt and black wool pants. As he is getting ready to lay down, I find my voice, 

“Francis, I wanted to thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. And everything that you’re doing.” He looks back at me sitting on the bed. 

“The new chateau isn’t just for you. It’s for the both of us.” He says with a smile as he sits down, clearly hoping for me to continue talking instead of just turning around and sleeping like I normally do. 

“And I’m sure it will be wonderful, but I’m not just talking about that. It means a lot to me that you’re happy sleeping here on this divan night after night. Near me, but not so close I feel uneasy.” His blue eyes seem to bore into mine. 

“We’ll do things in our own time, my love. If you want me to sleep here for the rest of the year, I don’t object.” He says, laying down. 

“Yes, well, it seems rather silly, when there’s a perfectly good goose feather bed right here.” I say before I change my mind. Francis looks up at me, clearly surprised, and sits back up. 

“You mean tonight?” He asks in confirmation. 

“U-Unless you’ve grown fond of that spot.” Francis gets up and walks slowly around the bed. As he is about to get in, I turn and speak again quickly. “I only meant for us to sleep.”

“Of course.” He says and I feel myself smile. Francis would never do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. “Good night.” I carefully put out the candle and slide under the covers as well. 

=== 

An hour later…

I think I fall asleep for a few minutes before my eyes snap open. Francis is next to me, but his breathing seems to get louder and louder. I try to go back to sleep, but when I roll over, I start having flashbacks. Severin. His accomplices holding me down. His fingers around my throat. The events of that night flash through my head and when Francis rolls over and touches me on accident, I practically jump out of bed and get to the divan as fast as I can. Stirling is there and I hear Francis completely wake from my rustling. 

“Mary?” He sounds worried. I stroke Stirling’s fur and try to calm down. 

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t bare it. The sound of a man’s breath next to me.” I don’t look at Francis as he gets out of bed and stands a few feet away from me. 

“Let me help you.” He continues to step closer and I move closer to Stirling. 

“There’s nothing you can do.” I say. 

“I can tell you that what happened was a nightmare. The nightmare is over.” Francis opens his arms and I slowly get up and walk into them. My arms are like weights at my sides, but when he cradles the back of my head with his hands, I wrap my arms around him and start sobbing. He continues to hold me as I soak his shirt with my tears. “Shh. Mary, you’re safe now.” I let him pick me up and lay me back down on the bed, but I don’t let go, so he lays down with me and lets me cry. It might have been minutes or hours until I finally ran out of tears, but finally sleep claims me, and I don’t wake until morning.


	8. Growing Affection

The ball is a grand affair and Francis uses the occasion to dance with me for most of the night, just like we used to. In the end, we give the money to Antoine when Narcisse comes back with news that his problems are legitimate. Still, after the money leaves our coffers, Francis realizes that we can’t afford to expand the chateau now. 

“I’m so sorry, Mary. I didn’t realize our coffers were low enough already.”

“It’s alright, Francis.”

“No, it’s not alright, Mary. You two need to go away for a while, away from the pressures of court, which is why I will be paying to expand the chateau.” Catherine says, breezing into the room.

“Catherine, are you sure?” I ask.

“My dear, you need to get away for a while and be with your husband. I can see that you both are trying, but being away from prying eyes might help you heal faster. I can handle things here for a few weeks. Francis has been working well into the night to make sure he doesn’t leave too much for me to do in his absence. You both need a break.” I walk over and embrace her.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Anything for my children.”

=== 

I rush into our office, only to find Francis missing.

“Where is the king?” I ask a passing servant.

“In the gardens, Your Majesty.” I nod to her and run as fast as I can in my gown down the grand staircase and out the back doors. I finally find him in our place, where tall flower bushes surround a small but secluded spot. I see a few guards walking about, but other than that, we are alone. 

“Francis?” He turns his head from where he is sitting on a blanket, enjoying the sun. There is a basket of food and some wine next to him and his doublet is laying on the grass, leaving him in his white undershirt. He smiles, but then transitions to looking worried when he sees the tear stains on my cheeks. He gets up quickly and rushes over to me. 

“Mary? What’s happened? What’s wrong?” I start crying again. Francis wraps his arms around me and waits until my sobs are under control. 

“I’m not pregnant.” My body sags against his now that he knows.

“Oh, Mary, that’s wonderful. Why are you crying then?”

“Because… because I’m so relieved! I don’t know what we would’ve done if I was. And it wouldn’t be fair because I can’t carry your child- “

“Mary, someday you will. It’s okay if it doesn’t happen for a while. I’ll wait. I just… I want a family with you, not for the sake of having heirs, but I want us to be happy and blessed with wonderful children.”

He users me to lay down on the blanket beside him. “I know you fear that you won’t be able to carry our children, but I assure you that you will. My mother had that fear and look at her now. Everything will work out for us, Mary, because what we’ve been through was our lowest point. We are only going up from now on.” 

“I love you, Francis. Someday, I would love to have a family with you.”

“All in good time, my Queen. I love you.” He leans down and kisses me without thinking, but I don’t pull away. 

==== 

A few months later…

Around Christmastime I ask to go sledding like we used to when we were children. The entire court comes with us, although I suspect it’s more because they want to see how Francis and I act around each other. Everyone knows we haven’t shared a bedroom in months and assume we’ve fought. All the time I hear whispers about needing an heir, but Francis gives me as much time and space as I need, and bit by bit our love grows back.   
I arrive to the festivities by carriage, and a small gasp runs through the crowd when Francis steps out of the same carriage first to help me out. Our schedules haven’t allotted much time together, and when we do spend an evening or afternoon together, it is always private. I slept in a bit this morning because being next to Francis in the same bed feels perfect, normal even. I’m always in bed first, too tired to wait for him, by the time he comes in. After my nightmare incident we’ve slept in the same bed in my chambers, me holding onto him every night and him soothing me if a nightmare comes. I notice, though, that nightmares are becoming a rare occurrence. 

Francis flashes me a dazzling smile as he helps me out of the carriage and we walk arm in arm to where the sleds are being set up. My ladies are already there with their husbands, who have to run the sled to the edge and jump on at the last second, or get left behind. I feel every eye on us as I mount the sled, careful to leave enough room for Francis, and grab hold of the front. Francis grabs the back and leans forward to whisper in my ear. 

“Are you ready to win this race, my beautiful Queen?” I can’t help but smile back and turn to kiss him on the cheek.

“If you’re that confident in your skills my love, then yes.” And we’re off. Francis runs as fast as he can and jumps onto the sled as we start going downhill. He carefully wraps his arms around my waist to keep him steady, but I don’t flinch. I started welcoming his touch, which is always soft and gentle, and nothing like my attacker’s. As we cross the finish line and win, we hit a rock which sends the sled rolling. I don’t know what’s happening but Francis holds me tighter and twists his body so he takes the brunt of the impact. I hear shrieking and screaming from the crowd as we roll and finally stop, where Francis has managed to be on the bottom with me laying on top of him. I can’t help but start laughing and he does to before pulling me down to kiss him. We kiss until I notice how cold I am. I roll of my husband and help him up. We brush the snow off each other and head over to where they are serving hot chocolate and a tent has been erected for us. Francis holds the tent flap open for me while juggling two hot chocolates. I grab one from his arms and duck inside.

“Did you enjoy that, my love?” Francis asks, rubbing his hands up and down my arms to try and get me warm again.

“Yes, thank you.” Francis looks down but I catch his chin and force him to look at me. “I love you. I want you to know that.” He nods and kisses my knuckles. “I still need time, but I wanted to thank you again for being patient with me.”

“Thank you for giving me another chance, Mary, I love you too.”


	9. Marie de Guise

The next day trumpets announce my mother’s arrival. She exchanges pleasantries with my husband and Catherine before dragging me along to her bedchamber. She practically forces me onto the couch before she eyes me critically.

“Where is your heir?” She asks.

“Well, I had a feeling.” I mumble. “It’s a bit complicated.” 

“By the fact that Francis no longer visits your chambers.” It’s more of a statement than a question. “It that your decision or his?”

“It’s ours.” I fire back. “And we still sleep in the same bed. But we only sleep. Nothing more.”

“Has Lola come between you two?”

“No, mother, please don’t find fault. Things have merely changed between us.” She looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. 

“Mary! You are here to do a job. I know how it can be.” She pats my shoulder. “A continual chore one comes to dread.” She takes something out of her pocket and hands it to me. “This will help.”

“What on earth is this?” I ask before carefully smelling it. It smells terrible and I pull back immediately. 

“A herbal concoction, mixed by my physician. Use a pinch before and you will be… at ease, and in an expansive mood. Darling, you are never going to get pregnant again if you try. Scotland and England need an heir soon before I die so I think you should use the concoction tonight-” I can’t listen to anymore so I get up, throw the bottle in the fire, and storm out of the chamber.

=== 

After an afternoon reading in my chambers, I decide to send for my mother. Hopefully with the news of my attack, she will stop breathing down my neck about having heirs for the time being. 

“What’s wrong?” My mother asks. 

“I asked you here to tell you something.” I see my mother looking at me intently. “There might not be an heir for some time. Not for a while at least.” 

“You’re being ridiculous! Couples fight. It doesn’t mean anything-” I cut her off before she can say anything else. 

“I was raped. When the Protestants attacked the castle. There is more to it, of course- “

“Are you worried you’re pregnant with your attacker’s child?” I can’t help the small laugh that escapes me. 

“You still only have one goal. A child to secure power, as your child increased yours. I just told you that I… and your first thought is how long you have to wait to be sure I am not giving birth to a rapist’s child.”

“Well… are you past it?” She asks.

“Yes, I am past that fear. But I face others.”

“Darling I am sorry, but the man who violated you should not succeed in damaging your aspirations.”

“Your aspirations. Not mine. What am I to you?! Certainly not a daughter as you have never been a mother to me. You see me as a weapon. A bargaining chip. A vessel for your dreams of greatness.” 

“You are more than that- “

“Yes, I am! I am more than a marker to hold an alliance. Or a breeder for the next generation or the next. I am my own person. A woman grown, and tonight, I realize that I am utterly and completely alone except for Francis. But when I look at you, I feel I am better for it.” I storm out of my chambers and walk as quickly as possible to our office. Francis doesn’t even question my tears as he stands up in time for me to wrap my arms around him and bury my face in the crook of his neck. After a few minutes, Francis quietly says,

“I’m guessing your mother wasn’t sympathetic to your story of the attack.” 

“No. She just wants another heir. For her. Another child she can control.”

“Oh, Mary, I’m so sorry.”

“I always thought she saw me as more than a vessel for the next generation. I was wrong.”

“Maybe there’s another explanation.” I untangle myself from his embrace.

“What do you mean? Have your spies heard something?” Francis nods before continuing. 

“There are rumors that your mother is sick, but no one knows the extent of it. If you’re up for it, I think you should confront her about it tomorrow, when you’re less upset.” I nod and press my forehead against his.   
“Alright then. I’ll go see her tomorrow.”   
=== 

I miss dinner in the main hall when I go to visit my mother. She confirms the rumors that she is dying and while I never really felt that she loved me, I don’t want her to leave me in this world alone. After I leave her chambers, I’m surprised to see Francis already in ours sitting by the fireplace. 

“Well?”

“My mother told me that she’s dying. That’s why she’s been pushing for an heir. She wants to ensure my safety before she leaves this world.”

“Mary, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Francis stands up and takes me into his arms. 

“It’s not your fault. None of this is. But I made her a promise that no one will ever take my country away from me, and I intent to keep that promise someday.”

“You will be the most amazing mother, in time, but your mother is still here and you’re still not ready. The threat isn’t here yet, so let’s enjoy the time you have left with your mother.”

“I will. Every minute. And someday I will make it fully back to you, my love.” I give Francis a lasting kiss to seal my promise to him as well. 

I spend every minute I can with my mother until she leaves back to Scotland. We talk, ride, stroll through the gardens. It feels like we are finally getting some bonding time, and I never want it to end. But she assures me that she doesn’t have very long and she needs to get back to Scotland. She promises me that she’ll reestablish my half-brother, James, as regent of Scotland. In return, I vow that one day I will return and visit the country I called home with Francis and our own family one day. 

=== 

The annual wine tasting quickly turns from an event about wine to an opportunity for the lords of France. Standing at the end of the hall as Francis greeted his guests, it was easy to notice that every single one of the lords brought some sort of pretty woman with them, be it their sisters, daughters, or distant cousins. All to win the king’s favor and earn a place as his mistress. Even in the past few weeks that Francis and I have been sharing a bed, we are not who we used to be, and the servants still gossiped relentlessly about if we would be able to have an heir. But Francis promised he would wait as long as it took for me to get better, and even as he smiles, I could see how uncomfortable he is with so many women throwing themselves at him. Eventually, all the guests have arrived and Francis walks back to me.

“I’m so sorry, Mary. If I’d have known the kind of guests the event would draw, I would’ve cancelled the tasting.”

“It’s alright. It’s not your fault.” I reassure him. 

“Be that as it may, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I love you and I want you to be happy.”

“Then let’s get through tonight, and maybe go for a stroll through the gardens afterwards?” I suggest. “Perhaps we can convince the lords that we’re back to being a happily married couple?” 

“Are you sure?” He asks, worried I might change my mind.

“I know you won’t pick a mistress, Francis. I have faith in you.”

“Thank you.” He kisses my forehead and offers me his arm. I take it and smile at him as we enter the dining room, ignoring all of the jealous stares aimed in my direction.


	10. New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year! I'm so happy for 2020 to finally be over! I am enjoying the comments, hits, and kudos that hit my inbox everyday! It is truly one of the greatest gifts is to be able to share my writing on this website! See the end of this final chapter to hear about my new writing project coming in early 2021!

The next few weeks fly by as word of my mother’s death spreads and I help transfer power to James. My days are filled with grief as I plan a trip to Scotland for the funeral. Francis cannot accompany me due to his duties in France, so I leave and stay in Scotland for a few weeks until everything is settled. The journey back to France allows me the time to reflect on how distant I was in the days after my attack, which is when I needed to have Francis at my side. As we dock, I change out of my mourning dress, determined to let go of this chapter in my life and find happiness again with my husband. The carriage ride back to the castle is long, but as soon as it stops in the courtyard at the palace, I race out and send word for Francis to meet me in our chambers to talk. I find him there, pacing around until he catches sight of me in the doorway.

“Mary, you’re back!” He walks over and hugs me gently, planting a soft kiss to my forehead. “You said you needed to speak to me? What’s wrong?” He sees the pained expression on my face. 

“I just wanted… to say I’m sorry.” I say quietly. 

“Mary, you don’t have to apologize to me ever. Nothing that happened was your fault.” 

“But I pushed you away! In the days after my attack… when I needed you most… I pushed you away because I didn’t want to deal with those feelings and memories.”

“You didn’t push me away for long.” Francis reassures me. “You let me back in and forgave me, and for that, I love you even more than I thought possible.”

“Thank you. For everything you did for me, and for being so patient.” 

“You know I’d do anything for you, Mary, always. You are my life.”

“And you are mine.” I whisper and kiss him, grabbing his golden hair and pulling him closer to me. I slowly start stepping back, taking him with me until my knees hit the bed. I pull the lapels of his jacket, making the two of us fall onto the bed. Before I can think about it, I start unbuttoning his jacket and shirt, pulling them off his shoulders. Francis stops me.

“Are you sure about this?” He asks, looking into my eyes, making sure that this is indeed what I want. 

“Yes.” I reply and pull him toward me again. “Show me how much you love me.”

=== 

Later on, we lay in bed together after many rounds of passionate lovemaking and showing how much we missed the other. I tilt my head up to look at Francis.

“I will love you for the rest of my life. And I will never let you go.”

“And I promise you the same. I am yours, Mary, forever.” He says and leans down to kiss me. 

=== 

I rush down to the gardens as fast as my skirts will allow, hoping to catch Francis in time. I usually accompanied him on his daily walks through the gardens to get some fresh air in between running a country. Or, in our case, two countries. But the last few days I’ve had terrible headaches and can barely keep food down. Until today. I search along our usual route, and finally, I spot him looking over the large pond in the center of the gardens, holding a rose in his hand. He hears my footsteps as I approach, turning towards me with a smile on his face.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, taking my hand in his. 

“Better.” I reply. “I have some news.”

“I hope it’s good. The Spanish ambassador has been hounding me all day about increasing trade with Spain and it’s driving me insane- “

“I’m pregnant.”

“What?” 

“I’m carrying our child.” A big smile forms on Francis’s face as he picks me up and spins me around. 

“I’m going to be a father.” He says it like it’s the most amazing thing he’s ever realized. 

“Yes, you are. I told you we would fill this castle with little royals one day.” I tease.

“That you did. I love you, Mary.” He steps closer to me, cradling my face in his hands.

“I love you too, Francis. Always.” And he leans down for a kiss. Finally, after all that’s happened, we can have a new beginning together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming Soon on February 1st, 2021: "The Redemption of Black Jack Randall" 
> 
> For those of you who don't know, this will be an "Outlander" fanfiction focusing on (in my opinion) one of the worst villains in television. This story will take place at the end of season 1 and go through to season 2 for a timeline reference. Outlander's first 3 seasons are currently available on Netflix if you want to watch it before this story is uploaded! I highly recommend it to fans of historical dramas such as Reign and The Tudors. It's now my favorite show! 
> 
> Questions or comments on this Reign story or my soon-to-be-uploaded Outlander story? My inbox is always open!


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